No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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