remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
