Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
