Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
