Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
