Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
