swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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