he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
