Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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