Where is the hickey?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
