I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
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