A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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