you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
