marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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