Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
