Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
