If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
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I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
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