I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
