Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
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