I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
