Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
