I wish I could punch you in the face.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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