now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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