My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
