i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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