the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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