just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
