She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
How does it feel to date your dad?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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