this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
