this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
