so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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