just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
