why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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