I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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