My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
