I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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