I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
