I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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