I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
