Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
