I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
