mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
