so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
