Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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