I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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