mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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