So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
