You can't special order awesome
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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