I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We're too hungover to prance.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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