...so i touched it.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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