Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
