My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
