I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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