11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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