I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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