Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
