Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize