I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
