I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
