This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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