A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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