I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
